The Chinese and Filipinos realized that, if they continued squabbling over the Spratlys, they would someday end up having military combat. So, they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: A duel of two, like David and Goliath. This duel would be a dog fight.
The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to renounce its claim for good.
The Chinese found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Mongolian wolves.
They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and killed all the other puppies. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine.
And after the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.
When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Filipinos showed up with a very strange-
looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!
Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Filipinos. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Chinese camp. All the bookies took a look and predicted that the Chinese dog would win in less than a minute.
As the cages were opened, the Dachshund very slowly waddled towards the center of the ring.
The Chinese dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant ”wiener-dog”. As he got to within an inch of the Filipinos dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Chinese beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Chinese killer dog’s tail floating to the ground.
The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let out a collective
gasp of disbelief and surprise.
The Chinese left in disappointment and disgust.
An American dog expert approached the Filipinos, shaking his head in disbelief. “I do not understand,” he said, “Chinese top scientists and breeders worked for 5 long years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweilers and Mongolian wolves, and they developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!”
The Filipinos replied. “Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Filipino plastic surgeons from Vicky Bello working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.”