really now… how to know?
recently, a blog friend raised that question. so too, i had found myself digesting this question on my mind. this morning as i am contemplating on the way for work, insights suddenly flashed across my mind…
these insights suddenly found myself standing on a clear flashback picture of my younger days…
on my childhood, there was a moment when my mother was about to gave birth to our youngest sibling. while she’s nearing her due, our father burdened with life’s difficulty, had to go to away to re-acquaint with a colleague that will take him for a new job as a land surveyor for a new real state company, and while he’s away, my mother’s time to give birth came.
at that time, we had a small “sari-sari” store which my mother tenders, but since she’s giving birth at hospital, i was the one tasked to take care of the store…
after giving birth, my father is yet to come back since he was assigned to a far place..
a month or so had passed by, my father still had not returned and my mother decided to follow our father, she took with her our newest sibling along with my younger brother. we we’re so broke at that time, my mother had to borrow from rich elders on our barrio, but using our newly born sister as loan collateral. she was only able to get cash upon signing some agreement and if she defaulted on payment, our baby sister will be taken for adoption… 😦
then after that, i was left behind to tender with the store and also with my other younger siblings…
at that tender age, we are already exposed to the real hardships of life. for the longest time while our mother’s away, i had to go home during recess time to cook our lunch… our lunch would then consist of rice and few eggs cooked with the rice… and for our supper, after school we had to go to the sea and help some fishermen pull their nets and if the catch are bountiful, then we’ll have our fair share… for dinner. if none, then we have to contend again with eggs. on weekends, we have not much time to play since we have to gather firewoods from far away places.
the store had still few stocks left by, and i had to tender it as well and keep custody of the selling proceeds… i can still remember crystal clear, despite the stomach revolting from hunger, it never came to mind to spend even a single centavo from the store proceeds that i kept with me. i was so focused to give them all to our mother whenever she returned…
but my siblings and our mother, they never returned 😦
instead, it was us siblings of seven whom 5 where left behind that was fetched from our home at the province by our father. eventually, after months of being separated… we are now finally getting together. my father had taken another loan to pay for the previous loans…
and i thought life will then be different. it did had some difference but not much in terms of having a better life. we still endured much with the difficulties of life there after. we no longer gather fire-woods but we need to fetch big buckets of water for daily usage. later on, we even lost our home at the province, it was needed to be sold to pay for an unexpected money problem… as a consolation, we endured hardships together as a whole family.
maybe due to harsh realities of life from younger age, i grow up real slow even until high school. and i became the subject of bullies. i had grown up with very low self esteem..
such a sad tale i had to tell. but maybe i should really do this now in order to finally relieve the pain that had been suppressed for the longest time. even now as i typed these, i can’t help but see myself teary eyed…
now, coming back to the money i had kept with me… when i gave it all to our mother she was really surprised and not expecting. i can still remember the exact amount… 150.10 pesos! it’s a small amount indeed but at that time, considering my age of 11… it was like a real fortune to me! that i must guard and protect!
still, when i was young…, devoid of toys to contend with, i spent time sketching views of rice fields, mountains, sunrise, bahay kubo, fishes, farm animals, plants and vegetables… especially vining vegetables!
at school, on our industrial subjects, i also love the routine of gardening and weeding out the school’s flower patches.
more insights …. to follow
coming back to this threads question … how to know our “life’s purpose”
the flash of insights this morning may have answered me already!
in order for us to know what our life’s purpose are, all we need to do is to look back to the pictures of our childhood.
am i making any sense?
let’s digest further…
what do i love doing now?
i love and obsessed myself learning and being active in emancipating my financial freedom goals from it’s mediocre reality. i desire with burning intensity to see manifested in reality the fruits of my action, and be able to share it across to my fellowmen. If there will be bounties of riches that i may need to steward later on to its definite purpose… then it shall be fulfilled. i had been a good steward of money even then as a child, there’s no doubt in me and truly believe that i am cut like a true gem to handle the task…
i also love farming, even to the point of intermingling farming, profession and fund management altogether…
i think the main point had been driven across, and suffice to conclude…
that our “life’s purpose” had been made in awareness already… on our childhood, at our younger days. maybe that is why there’s such a phrase as “child-hood dreams” (i’ll try and dig about that later).
all we have to do is to relive the child within us… and soon enough, we’ll be moving and going forward to achieving our life’s purpose.
god bless us all 🙂